“Where are you going?” He asked her, a bit scared of her answer.
“What do you care? It makes no difference to you.” She replied sharply.
“You know that's not true. Come on, let's go home.”
“Home? What home? Whose home?” She replied, looking at the floor.
“Our home, Tamara. It is always our home. The same home we have been living in for the last four years.” He replied, a bit annoyed.
“By 'our', what do you exactly mean?” She asked.
“Tamara, please. I don't believe this is the time or the weather to ask this kind of question. It is minus zero, and you are not well covered. Are you not cold?” He asked, a bit concerned.
“I am not.” She said while embracing her stomach.
“You are not in a position to be outside in the cold.” He insisted.
“What does that even mean?” She asked, smiling.
“You know what I mean. Please.’’ He said, extending his hand to her.
“What if I have decided this is my new home? What if I want to become one with the forest? What if I feel in my insides that it's time to listen to nature's call to become one with it?” She said with teary eyes. He started breathing heavily.
“Tamara, is everything okay? Should I be calling Dr. Hackens?” He asked, trying to remain calm.
“Why are you bringing my psychiatrist up? You know this is not about my mental health. This is about us.” She replied, getting irritated.
“What about us, Tamara?” He replied with an almost painful tone.
“Right. What about us? Is there even an us?”
“Tamara is tough to understand when you get me guessing instead of saying things straightforward. Please, tell me what's going on.” He replied.
“Nothing, Sam. Everything is fine, everything is going well as usual. No problems here. All in perfect order.” She replied ironically. “Let's go home.” She said and started walking towards home.
“Please, don't.” He replied softly and started walking beside her.
“What, Sam? Are we going to ignore that we don't talk anymore? When was the last time we went out with friends? When was the last time we went out at all? It is like you have been hiding me. Us. I am doing well now. I don't think it's fair that you keep me home as if I were some sick person. I am fine.” She said, angry, on the edge of tears.
“You are pregnant, Tam. You were hospitalized last year, and I don't want to take that risk again, especially not in your current state.” He replied firmly.
“Of course. My current state... I am pregnant, not dying.” She insisted.
“What would you like us to do? Where do you want to go?” He asked.
“Let's go to Paris. You know I love Paris. I would love to visit some friends there.” She said happily.
“Tammy... You are eight months pregnant. I don't think going for such a long trip is a good idea right now.” He replied, upsetting her.
“Why not? Let's go for a week, and then we'll come back. I need some fresh air. And by fresh, I don't mean freezing, I mean Spring-like fresh.” She replied, annoyed.
“We can go to California then. We can visit your aunt there.” He replied.
She started crying.
She was more afraid than he was of being hospitalized again. She was scared of the thousands of stories she had heard from other women about social services getting involved and taking away her baby. She was afraid of losing her baby if she continued taking medication. She was overwhelmed and felt trapped. She couldn't see a way out of her worries; it seemed her baby was in imminent danger, and she couldn't protect him because the threat was herself.
“I am so tired, Sam.” She said and he hugged her.
