Forever with you...

- What are you doing? He screamed while she was packing.

- I'm done with you Amir, everything around seems to be a big mess & I'm done with this situation. She shouted at him.

- But I'm sorry, I'm really sorry, I'm going to talk with my mother about this. She's just confused, my father isn't here anymore and she feels alone. She's just trying to take care of her children in the best way she can. He said while crying.

- Okay fine. You have an excellent mother that will never let you grow up, because you're a kid for her yet. Even when you're married and about to be a father also! She put her hands on her face as soon as she said so.

- What? What did you just said Amina...? He stopped crying and focus his view on his wife's belly.

- Nothing. I'm leaving. She said while she takes her bag and walk out of the room.

- This is not fair. And you know it's not good. He said looking at her eyes.

- Having your mother all the time around me, telling me I'm not good enough for his son. Having your brother begging me to leave you because you deserve someone better. Having your sisters ignoring me even when they don't know me at all. Amir, that's not fair at all. She said and her tears appeared.

- But I love you...

- That's not enough. Peace be upon you. Those were her lasts words & Amir never knew about Amina again.

10 years later... [present]

- Mommy.

- Yes my love?

- What are you doing? Why do we always come here? Mommy... did you meet daddy here?

- Yes.

- Mom, do you miss him?

- Yes.

- Mommy, do you think he still love us?

- I know he does.

- How do you know mom? 

- Because I can see his smile through yours every single day.

8 years ago...

The phone is ringing.

- Allo.

- Allo. Woman's crying voice.

- Who is it?

- Amina? Is that you?

- Yes. Who is it?

- Look Amina, Soraya is here. Amir is very sick, he got a heart attack last weekend. He has been trying to find you for this last two years but it seems that you changed your name, thanks God my husband is a detective and he got you. Can you please come back? The whole family will be pleased to have you back... Amir stopped laughing since you left, he doesn't even smile. We've tried to make him get a new wife but he doesn't even talk to us. We really need you...

- I'm on my way Soraya. Majida and I will be there tomorrow morning.

- Who?

- Your niece.

- Do I have... She couldn't finished because Amina hanged up.

They traveled. Amina found Amir on bed & hardly breathing. He was sleeping & looked so haggard. But he wokes up as soon as she went into his room.

- Amina! Amina! 

- Calm down Amir, it's not a dream this time. Amina is here. While she saw this, she cried, it was so sad to see the man she loves the most like this.

- Amina I missed you so much! cogh cogh. I'm sorry, I'm kind of sick.

- It's okay. And who's that little girl behind you? He said and smiled for the baby girl who was hiding behind her mother.

- She's Majida. 

- Masha Allah, she's so beautiful. You should of called her Noor. I bet her father is the happiest man to have her.

- Amir, don't you remember?

- Remember what...?

- I was pregnant when I left you.

- Did you have the child?

- She's the child. And Amir started weepend so badly that Soraya had to ask him to calm down. I think we should leave for now. Amina said

- Can I have my daughter for a minute please? Amir said trying to don't cry anymore.

- Yes. Amina hold her baby and put her on her father's lap.

- Hi precious Majida.

- Peace be upon you. While she was looking at her little hands and didn't understand what was going on.

- Masha Allah, my daughter has a lovely voice. Can you call me baba?

- Mommy... she said and looked at her mother scared.

- Go ahead sweettie. Baba hena.

- Baba...

- Alhamdulillah! I'm the happiest man in the world. Thanks Amina, thank you so much. 

- You're welcome habibi.

- Habibi?

- Oh, I'm sorry.

- I love you habibeti. He said looking at Amina and hugging Majida. He finally got the happiness he lost for two whole years but his health couldn't help it much longer.

After three weeks he died.

PRESENT

- I miss him mom... but more than nothing I need him. Did he really said my name should of be Noor?

- Yes baby, your daddy was the happiest man in the worldwide when he saw you.

- I'll call my daughter Noor.

- He'll be pleased.

- In sha Allah. Mommy, have you ever loved any other man since daddy passed away.

- No. Because your daddy has never gone. He's always with us in every single sweet detail the world showed us. No one understood why I marry him. I married your father because when no one showed me I was important and beloved, your father proved me I was the world for him. I left him not because I have any doubt of his love but I didn't want to separe him from his family. He gaved me too much & I didn't want to make him lose anything.

- Mom, don't you think we were his family also & he lost us?

- No baby, one week after he died... he said "Amina, you were, you are & you'll always be the queen of my life. You left me but you stayed here, in every single place we visit, in every single morning, in every flower. I can't explain how it comes that you left me but I never felt I lost you. I was just needing your care, that's why I got sick but not cause you weren't here. I love you & Majida more than to my own life & I have never stopped said Alhamdulillah since I met you for the first time."

Amina stopped talking & the tears appear again in her eyes. Majida hugged her.

- Mommy, daddy & I love you so much.

It Will Rain...

You know, sometimes I just stare at the window in case that you come back... you told me you didn't want to talk that day cause you were needing some time for yourself and I gave you as much time as I could... but I couldn't wait too much because you're part of me and without you I feel so incomplete... tell me, should I stop waiting? Even if you say yes, I can not. But it's not that bad as so much people thinks, actually, it's not bad, it's just a little bit hard to handle when... when I want to listen your voice, when I want to listen your laugh, when I want to see your face, when I want to know how you are, when I want to tell you how much I love you, when I want you to tell me how much you miss me... but if I don't think about that, then it's not that hard. You're like the best memory I've ever had, even if I get over you, I still think you'll be my best memory. 

By the way Ybab still wait for you too, do you remember her? Even if you don't, she doesn't forget you. I will never forget that day when you were kind of sad and she cheer you up, you'll never find someone that will love you so much as she does... I'm sure about it, and any female will ever make you laugh so hard and made you feel sweetness at the same time as she did. You were so cautivated cause of little Ybab and I was so happy then... Of course, as long as you'll be happy I was gonna be happy too... But now I'm kind of sad and you're really okay, is weird, isn't it? I wish you were here as before... by my side.

Do you think anything will change if I'm patient enough? I'm not sure about it... but I don't have too much options. I wish one day we can hold our hands forever and never let each other go away... because I can't let you go, you're always here, here with me, in my heart. Maybe I'm asking too much, I know... but that's all what I want... I want you, just you, no one else but you.

[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-w3WfgpcGg&ob=av2e ]

Someone Like You...

She: I promise you I'll never forget you. 

He: For real you'll never forget me?

She: Yes! It's a promise. You'll always be in my heart. In a special place.

He: Why special?

She: Because you're the best friend I have ever had. And that means a lot to me. I could give you my ice cream even I have just one, because you're my best friend from heart.

He: If I ever get a car, I'll let you drive.

She: Wow! I know cars are very important for you.

He: Yes, they are. But you're my best friend also. And I'll let you drive my own car.

She: Thanks.

He: Hey! Don't forget your promise. 

She: I won't! My ice creams will be the keys to the place you have in my heart.

He: And my cars will be the keys to your place in mine.

[ SOME YEARS LATER ]

He: Hi.

She: Hello.

He: How are you?

She: I'm fine. And you? (while she was eating an ice cream)
He: Fine, too. (looking at her ice cream)

She: Want some ice cream?

He: I want it all.

She: How selfish! 

He: You said you'll give me your ice cream even if you have just one.

She: What? I could never say something like that.

He: I want the key.

She: Huh? What key? (while she looked at him pretty seriously)

He: Don't you remember?

She: (Laughing so hard) Of course I remember!
He: Here, the key of my heart. (Showing her a cars key)
She: Here is the key of mine (Giving him the ice cream)

He: Your key is so cheap.

She: It is not. Believe me, I wouldn't give that ice cream to whoever (And both laughed)

[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLQl3WQQoQ0&ob=av2e ]

You Rock My World ♥

She: Baby... have you ever thought about us like one?
He: Yes
She: Really?
He: Yes, since the first time I saw you, I realized about we shouldn't be apart, we had to be close as one and since we got married I realized we're just one heart, in two different bodies.
She: Do you know how much I love you? (while she cries and smiles happily)
He: I already told you honey, just one heart. (then he hugs her.)
She: You know what? When you came into my life, you just rock my world. Before you, the word love didn't have a real meaning, since I met you I realized about it's everything. (And he smiled.)

[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4tpuu-Up90&ob=av2e ]

Becoming a Muslim ♥ (ALHAMDULILLAH)

Whenever I meet someone, they always ask me: “How come you became a Muslim?”, “How did it happen?”, “Are your parents Muslims?”, “Did you marry a Muslim man?”, etc. Well, today, I’m going to write about how Islam came into my life, alhamdulillah.

All began on July 01st, 2010 when I met my first Arab Friend, to be honest with all of you I used to be afraid of Muslims and Arabs in general, because of all those lies about them being terrorists, but... then this happened: I saw an Egyptian person online in an exchange language’s page and I didn’t think about whether he was a Muslim or an Arab or anything, I just thought “Wow! An Egyptian, how cool!” and I sent him a message telling him it would be great to be friends with someone from Egypt! He accepted and we started talking.

Long story short, Waleed, my first Arab friend, was and is a great person, a really nice friend; and thanks to him I stopped feeling scared of Arabs or Muslims & I started meeting more people from Arab countries just to show myself over and over again that Muslims were just like everybody, meaning normal people. I started feeling interested in the culture and the language so I started looking for people who will teach me Arabic language and culture online.

That is how I found my brother Muhammad, alhamdulillah, and he offered me his help; he didn’t teach me about culture and language only but religion as well. At the beginning, I must admit, I didn’t want to know anything about Islam, I was still confused about some wrong information I had about it before knowing the real deal therefore I didn’t want to know anything else; but my brother taught me about Islam anyways and he asked me to read about it. He asked me questions about my religion, which was catholicism back then, and he told me “If you show me that your religion is better than mine, I’ll change mine. You don't have to do the same about Islam though, I just want you to know the truth” so I was happy and excited about it, but at the end, as it is obvious: I never changed his faith. Allah guided me to change mine.

I met my brother Muhammad the first days of August and he taught me about Islam until he got my interest, may Allah reward him. Then I started reading about Islam by myself, I asked for some book about Islam in an Ecuadorian Muslim's page on October 2010 and I asked for a Qu’ran on November 2010, then with the pass of the time... I noticed Islam was the right way and I couldn't deny it nor do anything else but to accept that it’s the religion I had to follow. The right path.

On Monday, March 14th, 2011 at 10:29am I did my shahada officially and I have been practicing as good as I can my religion since then; and since Friday, October 14th, 2011 after the Jummuah prayer I decided to started using my hijab to go everywhere, in sha Allah, day to day I will give one more step to be a good muslim. 

[By the way, my parents aren't muslims & they don't like my religion, actually, my whole family is against Islam, but what can they do about it? They can't change my mind even if they want, so I'll keep in the right way in sha Allah. And yes, I have talked to them about Islam, but I guess they are too closed to open their hearts and minds to listen to me so please keep my family in your prayers. I hope one day Allah, subhana wa ta'ala, will show them the right way too.] < Updated done on 2013.

LASTEST UPDATES (March 30th, 2017) My little brother did shahada last year, alhamdulillah. My parents let me wear hijab and pray in peace now, alhamdulillah; also they know I fast in ramadan and understand it by now and my mom has shown a more open-mind towards islam lately, alhamdulillah. May Allah guide my family to the right path, Amin <3

That's the “how” now I'm Muslim & Proud, Alhamdulillah.

Subhana Allah, walhamdulillah wallahu akbar!

Liberian Girl

Maybe if I really learn to walk alone,

I would find a way to get over you....

I think my life can be better,

if I just stop holding you in my heart.

[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3V-7DEAgdc ]

Didn't Mean To Hurt You ♥.~

I was there... looking at the blue sky one more time, thinking about all those memories you left for me. Your words... I remember how I fell in love with them, I remember the first day I listened to your voice... that magic moment when we talked for the first time, yes, I remember our conversation, I remember the topics, it feels like it was yesterday and not one year and three months ago. I remember the way you used to make me feel, I remember the laughs... I remember my stupid smile whenever I used to think about you... but more than nothing, I remember all the happiness I felt when I was with you, that happiness that made me forget for a while about my absurd and continuous sadness. Sometimes I ask myself if I could ever find someone like you... yes, someone like you... I want to smile as much as before, I want to feel my life is perfect even when it's not. I want to come back home and know you'll be waiting for me or at least, thinking of me. Am I being selfish? I'm sorry... I guess I'm a bit emotive today, I guess I can't handle it... surely I miss you, but more than nothing, I Need You. 

Why is so hard? Why is so hard to forget you...? It was not necessary to tell all those lies if you didn't mean them... now my heart is waiting, did you know it? yes, my heart waits for you every single day, my heart still thinks you love me... and you care about me, although, being honest, my brain and I have realized about the fact that you don't even remember about my existence lately... As usual, you're so busy. 

You don't know it, right? How could you know it if I never told you? and I will never do it... I still remember that day... that magic day when you told me you love me, I hardly slept that night, my whole being was so exciting about the fact that you loved me... my only thought was "he loves me" and I couldn't help my smiles and all the happiness that you brought to me with those simple three words. 

But in the same way, I remember that beautiful day, I remember that damned day when you told me you didn't love me as before anymore. I never said it but, you broke my heart into thousands of pieces. I had to calm down and talked as normally as I could just to don't make you feel the guilty cause of my pain... and do you know why I did it? No, I'm not a saint, I did it cause of a reason. Yes... I did it cause I love you... Do you remember that time when you asked me if I really love you? You told me: "If you really love me, then please don't hurt me, I don't like to be hurt." I loved you and I love you... that's why I kept all the sorrow to myself and smiled for you... because through that simple detail I was proving to you that I really meant what I said, even when you didn't notice it. 

Are you getting bored? Is your heart aching? Have I finally hurt you? Don't worry, even if you read this, how could you know I wrote it for you? even if you think it's for you, you wouldn't be sure and... will you dare to ask me? I bet you would do it, but I'm sure you won't read this.

Nowadays I just want to talk about you... it's like I have all those things that hurt me stuck in my heart... because I can't let you go... I want to let you go... but how? how can I let you go? You don't know but... I have changed so many things just for you and cause of you... When we started chatting, I used to talk Spanish all the time, even when I was on a call with you, do you remember? "English please" I used to forget you don't speak Spanish... but look, now I can talk in English and don't even think about the Spanish language, why? yes, because of you. I'm going to tell you one more secret about languages now, I was looking for Arabic and german courses just cause of you... I wanted to talk with you in your own language, I wanted to talk with you in any language you talk... if you talk with signals, I would learn it for you too. It was cause of you that I changed the language in my networks and it's cause of you that I started uploading posts in English... I changed my whole world's letters for you, but that's nothing...I have done so much.

Do you remember when I asked you about eating pig? Your exact answer was: "Eww, that's disgusting" I stopped eating pig cause of my religion surely, but I stopped eating pig even before I changed my religion... whenever I used to think about eating pig I used to hear in my head: "eww, that's disgusting" and I didn't want to eat pig anymore. Yes, I changed my food for you. 

When we used to talk, I told you I want to live in England... and you told me you want to live in Canada... guess what? I have searched for Canada's information and I have decided I can live in Canada, it's even closer to my country. Yes, I changed one of my principal dreams, cause of you.

Before I met you, I used to take a nap every day, after I met you, I change my naps for an afternoon with you... Yes, I changed my horaries cause of you and I've lost you.

Do you remember my favorite color? Yes, it's pink and I like black too, but have you realized how much I use purple now? Right. I add your favorite color to my favorite color lists. Now everything is pink, purple and black. You like turtles, right? I like them too, but the last time I bought one I thought about you... and I smiled because you like them too. That was not a change, but that turtle is part of my life... also you.

You know, I shouldn't be so sad or angry... in fact, you have done so many good things for my life, thanks for all the support, in anything I do, about being a psychologist, you told me I could do it; about being a writer, you told me I'm a great one; about talking Arabic, you told me I could even do it better than you soon. Whenever I tell you something, you never say I can't... you just tell me I can get it. I love when you do that... especially cause whenever I feel something about that is hard, I remember your simple words and feel happy cause you trust me and I should of trust me too. 

Right now I feel miserable, we haven't talked about nine days ago, feels like dying and I have decided to forget you, again... I ask myself how many time will I keep my word this time? how many times would I be without talking to you? I can't believe in myself when I say I'm going to get over you... because as soon as I think so, my heart hurts more. 

Can't you stop being so funny? so cute? so adorable? so respectful? so smart? so gorgeous? so perfect? If you could do that, then things for me could be a little bit easier... but you can not. Because it's not only about the way you really are, but the way I feel you are for me. 

Tell me baby... will it hurt you to know that thinking about you still hurts me? it breaks me down. 

Well, it feels like I have let go of the impotence for now... I guess I'll continue with this another day... 

Oh yes, one last thing... do you know what? You're very special to me too. Thanks for telling me I'm very special to you about two weeks ago... thanks to you, I feel important. I Adore You My Precious.

P.D.: I feel too tired to check out my mistakes, I'm sorry for them, but baby... you understood what I say, right? Well, that's important... Yeah, I still remember it, you're a genius! Not me, YOU! ♥

[ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P2KjJLEXIuY ]

No One, But YOU.