Thursday, November 9, 2017

You're mine.

- Who's that? I said angrily on the couch when he came in. I was with the television on, with my hands on the remote control now muting the sound.
- It's me. He answered.
- Of course, I know it's you. No one else but you would be coming by that door. I said now turning off the television and turning around to see his face. He was taking off his jacket. 
- Why do you ask who is it then? He said looking at me a bit annoyed.
- A friend of mine told me she saw you talking with a really pretty girl on the streets, she even sent me a picture. I said while standing up and taking my mobile to show him. Who is this woman you're smiling to? I said trying to the best of my capacity to control myself and holding in my tears.
- It's just a friend. You can't get jealous over a simple friend I talk with on the streets. And why would your friend take a picture of me and send it to you? What are you up to now? Are you spying on me? He said calmly and I couldn't anymore and started crying but cleaned my tears rapidly.
- She just happened to see you and send me a picture because I told her I was waiting for you but you were a bit late today. Who is it? I have never seen this face. Who is this woman? I said nearly begging while heavily breathing.
- I told you, an old friend of mine. School times, do you know my school friends? All my school friends? You don't know all the people that had surrounded me. Please, calm down and let me get home in peace. I am hungry. He said, certainly not willing to handle my jealousy today.
- The food is in the fridge. I said and left the room. I didn't want to make a whole drama about such thing. I really didn't want to! I didn't want to make his days harder and I didn't mean to welcome him home in such a way but God knows my anger was all over me and I couldn't act normally while all these doubts hitting me. Who was she? School? Did he ever have some feelings towards her? Did they continue talking after my friend took this picture? Why was he passing by that place at that time? That's not the way home. Why was he smiling? What were they talking about? Did she invite him to something she should not? Did she see his married's ring? Did he mention me? Why was he talking to her? I was feeling sick. Obviously, I know my jealousy didn't have a concrete base, I knew it wasn't logic! I know I was taking it too far, that's not the problem, I know. I am the problem. Me and my insanity, me and my overthinking, me and my insecurity. Of course, I knew it was not him. Still, I couldn't take it, my heart couldn't take it. Not at that very moment and if I'll get crazy on him right now I wouldn't have forgiven myself because there's no reasonable reason for me to be in that state. Couldn't he talk to other women? Don't I talk to other men myself? He knows, of course, and he doesn't lose his mind to this extent. I got ready to leave the house, I got ready as fast as possible because I didn't want him to stop me. I couldn't be in the same place than him right now. I listened to him opening the refrigerator and closing it, I listen his heavy breathe and his deep sigh and it made me cry even harder, I didn't want him to get tired of me. I listened him opening the fridge one more time and taking out the food, I listened him closing the door of the fridge and walking towards our room. Before he got there I left the bedroom ready to leave the house.
- Wait, where are you going? He asked now truly pissed.
- I'll be back soon. I said and head to the front door of our place.
- No, you are not. He said while holding my arm. Why are you doing this? He said with a disapproval frown.
- Let me go! I said while covering my face. I felt so ridiculous and annoyed. I didn't want to know who she was and all his past with the opposite gender, I couldn't take it, I just... I couldn't bear with it and at the same time, I needed to know it all to keep the composure, even if at the beginning it'd do the exact opposite. 
- Why are you acting like this? I have had a long day, I am really tired. Can you please hold yourself together and calm down? He told me and I remembered he hasn't eaten, I wanted him to eat and I wanted to leave the house. I cleaned my tears and looked at him apparently calmed. He let go of my hand and tried to hug me, I put my hand between us.
- Eat. He didn't insist on the hug and I appreciated it. As I walked to the kitchen, he walked behind me.
- We need to talk. He insisted.
- Eat first. I said because I knew he was hungry, though he'll surely claim his appetite wasn't as earlier because I ruined it, I didn't want him to say that... not now when I was repressing with such insistence my anger.
- Alright. He said and got into the kitchen and looked at me again. 
- Serve yourself. I said and I hated myself for not doing it. I didn't mind to serve him, he used to leave his job later than me and I was happy serving him the food. I waited for him to eat as every day and I was hungry until I got that photography and it made me lose my appetite.
- Have you already eaten? He asked while putting two plates on the table, I could see he was containing his anger too. We've been together for too long for me not to notice when I was taking him to his limits with my behaviors.
- Yes. I lied and he looked at me questioning the veracity of my answer with his eyes. I ran as fast as possible to the door and left the house. He ran after me.
- Where are you going!? He said really mad and I didn't stop running. I wanted to take the car, go to the library or the movies or the park, or anywhere, but I couldn't take the keys, nor the money, nor anything. I just had me and myself. So I didn't stop running with all my strength so that he won't reach me out immediately, but it didn't last even a couple of minutes until he reached me out and hold my arm.
- Why are you acting like this? He said with an agitated breath and I started crying again, out of breath, incredibly tired and super cold on that cold night of November. He tried to push me close to him embracing me, trying to calm me down while I tried to push him away with my both hands made a fist.
- You're... mine. I said giving up on him and letting my arms fall finally. Mine only. I said sobbing. I couldn't tell whether I was madder at that girl that ruined my day by approaching my husband and getting that close to him, or by myself... myself and my way to handle this kind of situations where my husband had not guilt but having married me.
- I am yours. He said calming me down and as he doesn't say it often since he prefers me to say, so it's usually all the way around, I felt my calmness came back to me and my jealousy slipping away. He was mine... He said it himself, he was mine. There was nothing to worry about. He was mine, he is mine, he'll always be mine. I hugged him back and my lips reached his and I closed those lines of him with that kiss, it was a symbolic path. He belonged to me as much as I belonged to him, forever. 


No comments:

Post a Comment

Sentimientos