Gentle

                           

Gentle. You are, maybe, too gentle

And your eyes shine too much.

Your laugh has too much joy

And your sorrow too many tears,

Maybe you should calm down a bit

Before the sky claims you its

And you have to wave us goodbye,

Unable to remain by our side.



Gentle. You are, maybe, too gentle

And that is why cats fear you not

Even when you are way too high

And that is why I reached out my hand to you

Even when you are far above.

Somedays I dream about becoming a cotton ball,

And match up with the flavor of your soul

But I am just an oatmeal cookie, in love with the moon.



Gentle. You are, maybe, too gentle

And your hands careful with anything they touch,

You who lives with rocks tied to your shoes

Not letting your wings take you home

I am taking parachuting lessons

In case I ever have to go looking for you

I could never simply let you go

I am still learning how real love works.


Gentle. You are, maybe, too gentle

So much that I wish to steal a hug,

So much that fishes gather around,

So much and so naturally that I will never know how,

Maybe the sun rays trying to reach your back

Are nothing but secret messages revealing your divine roots,

And I am just dreaming that I am seeing you

But it is, actually, a flashback from before being born.


Gentle. You are, maybe, too gentle

And I have found myself in your voice

I have regained my strength through your love

And I am gifting you my life through this oath

Offering you all my rainbows, my rain, and my worlds

If you grant me my one and only wish since long ago

I want to stay by your side through the storms

And may our hearts never let go of this love.

The fog

Mom, was I broken when I was born? 

His eyes refuse to see mine, 

And fate conspires against us. 

Mom, did I break him? 

He told me he was already broken when we met, 

I was too busy protecting myself,

I didn’t even know I could hurt him, 

You forgot to mention others have feelings.

Dad, why can’t I call him?

Why am I being ostracized by him like this?

Where is the forever I was promised?

Why wouldn’t he discuss this with me?

I thought we should talk about our difficulties.

Dad, you and he always talking about diplomacy

As if I am too quiet and need to share my fears,

But now there’s only silence and everything seems unclear.

Mom, where is that secret unguent you told me

That one should apply and would heal him? 

The magic balm that treats deep injuries 

And brings peace and happiness.

Mom, was that I lie for me to stop crying?

I am not a child anymore, you can tell me.

Dad, please come and talk to him,

Maybe if you do it, he might listen.

Dad, why can’t his eyes be opened?

Is it true that he die when I wasn’t seeing?

Or was it me? Was it me the cold body

Left alone to perish in the forest?

Mom, please come and talk to him,

Tell him that we should not fight for this,

Better to hold hands and sign for peace,

Didn’t you say you like him?

Dad, tell me can’t he listen to me?

Did the evil witch block his way to me?

Or did the good one come to rescue him?

Maybe it is me... maybe I can not listen.

Mom, if he is a “poor man”

Am I a pitiful woman?

Dad, dad look at me,

Dad, dad can you see me?

Mom, am I still here or did I leave with him?

Mom, if I speak louder can you hear me?

Dad, whether I died or became invisible...

The fog of the night confuses me.

Broken bridge

Photography taken by Madelaine Bustamante
[Added on August 8, 2020]

Heart, oh heart! Stop this nonsense

Tell me! Where did you lose it?

Let’s track back, maybe we’d find it.

Voices stay quiet I can not see me!

See? I mean, I can’t listen to me…

But do I really mean “to listen”?

You can not listen nor see

In this broken bridge of my soul,

Always taking me nowhere.

— Madelaine Bustamante

Let this dream become true

But I could not say anything anymore

It wasn't my right to do it now

Was it ever among my rights though?

I'm doubting my own shadow because of you

If you're not by my side in this room

And I'm not part of your story as I was

I wonder if anything between us was ever true.

You've never been a promises' guy

Believe me that I know it well enough

Because of this I trusted your word so much

In the same way, I trust a definitive truth

A noble knight for me you were

I felt like a princess being saved

Isn't that just another silly fairytale?

Like a fool in my own traps I fell.

Sometimes it feels like I was lost

But how not to get lost in you?

When even without me saying it

Everything about me you seemed to know.

I took you for granted you thought,

I was just disheartened and weighed down

And you were just disappointed and done.

It's not our faults I guess by now

It was just the destiny splitting us.

I miss you, I won't say I don't

Your jokes, your brightness and even the grumpy you

For me you were inspiration

Something indescribable and brand new,

For you I was a bunch of responsibilities

Worries and many problems more;

You must breathe in peace without me around

Why am I lacking air without you though?

Was really our story too good to be true?

I keep on dreaming those old dreams of us

Maybe I'm still too naive to wake up

Maybe I am just too whimsical to give up

Or maybe I never fell out of love with you

Let's try one more time to be one, the two of us

Let me play to the house looking at you

Dear dear love of my soul, let this dream become true.

Mine

And I engraved my name
all over your house,
just in case you ever dare to leave me
or kick me out;
you won’t be able to forget me…
not even if you want.

Am I a bad woman?
Or have I just loved you too bad?
Is this even “love”?
Or just an insane wish to have you mine?


I have engraved my name in all your walls…
With the blood of my veins,
with the blood of my heart,
And if I ever leave…
Even if I dare to die by my own hand!
You’re not allowed to forget me,
you’ll remain always mine.



— Madelaine Bustamante

(July 2015)