One more time.

I was sit down in third and last step of the door to my apartment, I was just taking a rest looking the break of dawn since there with my little dog in my legs, he was so sweet. I remember when I first met him in the streets, he was pretty wild and not friendly at all, yet I could see him hungry and taking any food he may find on the floor and running away with it. I saw him day after day for a whole week, I can't deny I disliked him in the beginning, after I found him funny and even cute, later I just started throwing some food on the floor in purpose so he may get food easier. 

Believe it or not I started getting attach to that vagabond dog. I tried getting close to him but it was not an easy thing, no matter how much food I throw him, he may just get it and run as if I was a dangerous thing that may hurt him at any moment. I realized somehow he was like me, he was just afraid to get hurt and even if it's hard to understand the simple fact of someone getting close to you can end up hurting you deeply because it's never the same when that someone comes in and then out... that person always takes something from you with him, especially if he was too close to your heart.

Even when he didn't seem to have any intention to trust me and tend to act nonchalant to me, I noticed how he used to start waiting for me to go out from home, like if he was wanting me to appear and he used to follow me to the store, to the restaurant, everywhere! Keeping always a prudent distance in any case. I got use to his presence, my days couldn't be complete without him in it. I started bringing dog's food with me everywhere, I even bought dog's toys and tried to find many ways to push him closer to me and let him know he can lower his guard with me since I was not dangerous and he gradually did.

Since the beginning I came to notice he was the boss, certainly I was the human there but he had the whole control. He didn't use to get into my house but just in weird and special ocassions, if he wants me to be by his side at any time of the night he used to bark like saying "come here now" and if I dare not to go to his call he may not visit to me next day and I used to spend the whole day worried... anyways, he didn't use to bark every single night so I was able to sleep properly sometimes. 

My friends loved him and hated him, they used to love him deeply because I used to be happy everyday just to know I'll see my puppy every new day, in the other hand I used to look deeply depressed if he didn't appear in my door every day, sometimes he used to disappear without any apparent reason and another times I was completely aware about the things I may have done to displease him even if I didn't do it with intention. They used to hate the way that little animal could manage me as he pleases, but I was fine with it as long as he remains by my side, believe it or not he was more special to me than any other being, even more than humans... any human, except by my family.


People never came to understand what he used to represent to me, it was never about all the things I used to give him, time, attention, food, gifts, love; it was all about what he used to give me, about all the things he brought to my life... he was not a burden to me, he was my friend! And I am not saying that I didn't have other friends, talking about people, but he was special to me... he was my best friend. I used to close my eyes and still see him, I used to close my ears and still listen to him, I used to close my mind and still find him there... I never requested anything from him but I always got it all, maybe more than what I could ever bear, maybe more than what I actually deserved... because things started changing. I started seeing him spending a lot of time with more dogs and he used to follow a pretty puppy female sometimes, not always though, he was too proud to follow her all the time when she was clearly trying to avoid him. It was curious, her recent attitude I mean, because I remembered I used to see them together pretty often before he got attach to me. And I used to like her too but if he wasn't not friendly, she was totally retiring and never allowed me to even put a finger on her, nor talk cause if I even tried to she may start barking loudly and run.

Lately I saw him behind her the most of the time and little by little he forgot me... she never came back to pay him any attention but he used to spend his time following her or playing around with the rest of the dogs in the neighborhood... or just lay down on his own in a place away from everybody. Even now I ask myself what else should I have done to keep him by my side. Sometimes I think I could have done more, I could have followed him in the same way he used to do with me at the beginning but... I couldn't do so, I mean, I followed him a few times and got nothing but being ignored; he certainly looked at me sometimes and played with me a few minutes but then left me, showing me I wasn't of his interest anymore...

It was hard to accept it, to acknowlegde that I've lost him; day after day, waiting for him, sometimes calling him and following him... I even cried for him! No one could explained why but I cried seas for him yet I couldn't help it... I used to miss his barkings, his looks, his time, his games; no one could get to know what he used to be in my world, no one will ever get it. For me, I wasn't losing an animal, nor a pet, nor one more simple friend, for me... losing him was losing an essential part of my life and without him I was not me anymore but a different version of me, an incomplete one.

And when everything seemed lost for me, there I was, sit down in the door of my place, with him in my legs, touching his hair while we watched together the break of down. No one could ever understand that all I ever wanted from him was his presence in my life, even if he took everything else, as long as he kept on visiting me and making me feel I am part of his life, even a small one, I was happy with it. So there I was, being the happiest girl in the world to have him by my side, one more day... one more time.

The alarm clock sounded and I woke up almost jumping, I looked around and saw my hands... they were empty, I ran to my window and he was not there... he was not coming back and even when I was almost use to the idea, it was still painful, he was still in my dreams and in my day-to-day activities. Only God knew how hard it was, it is and it will always be to bear his absence... I started crying because I wished deep in my heart to sleep forever and have that beautiful dream one more time, I wanted to stuck me in that single moment of peace and happiness with him in my life... one more time.